Checking Facebook on the wee hours like I always do. Never liked sleeping in early for the night unless there is something for me to do. Scrolling down those feeds and saw quite a number of my old classmates getting engaged or married. Was happy wasn’t close to them at all so I will not have to worry about thinking what gifts or how much do I have to “pay” thru the red packets (an Asian, or mainly Chinese tradition for weddings if you got invited to a wedding reception, red packets are also used in Chinese new year that is celebrated in late January or early February depending on the Chinese/lunar calendar). But at the same time I am pretty much jealous as I hoped to find someone that I can eventually grow old with.
Actually I don’t even think my expectations are that high when people thought mines are. I am alright with going with street foods, not going for shopping, not hoping for branded gifts or going for classy restaurants. I just want someone there to make me feels safe, knowing that I can actually rely on him/her and not getting jealous of my late best friend that I was that close with. It actually makes me feels dumb when people got jealous of someone whom actually gone for a better world.
*sighs*. Is that even that hard to get there? I do not know.
Maybe is my personality, maybe I should get myself a little more lady liked like my peers. But it does not feels like me any more if I ever change myself to not being myself. I’m that boyish girl that not many will like but meh, I’ll find my mate that can tolerate me with my likings sooner or later. I believed the person I’m dating in the future and I will change eventually if the relationship is healthy. I am not a perfecto, I don’t expect my mate to be a perfecto too, it’s damn selfish though.
I actually hates that it when a potential date told me that they would change me to their dream date. I was like so turned down immediately. It’s not the 1930s where I have to be a stay home mum and only be a servant to one and apparently one can’t be my dream guy. And to those whom still thought you can change for someone due to “love” or change someone to your dream guy/girl, keep dreaming lol! -Plays All I have to do is dream by Everly Brothers out loud-
Well, hope things got a better turn this year. Gonna love myself till I find someone whom worth for my affection then.