It is a never easy thing to deal with, especially when you first got diagnosed and feel the whole world is tumbling in. Feeling rather restless, worst when your family aren’t understanding and thought it is just like a diarrhea or a flu. I was lost then. Like a jellyfish that is floating around, it feels like there is no one whom understand you as much as before, it felt so empty inside out. It was the worst feeling ever. I know, I understand how it feels to be in the situation.
I remembered that it was terribly hard to get myself out, you can read it here. It took me 6 years to get myself on my feet. It has been a very long battle and I am telling you, I doubt I am fully out of it, yet. What didn’t destroy you might not make you stronger, but it definitely gave you a whole new prospective after the storm. This is probably why I am creating this little space, I might not be able to be able to be in your shoes while you battle yours but I hope I can give you some strength of mine to keep going on and knowing that there is someone out there who is also battling hard to swim.
I know it is hard to get bad thoughts out. In fact I spend almost a year doing nothing and it really got worst then ever. Sometimes the counselling or groups that specialized on it does not helps at all. Keeping yourself busy on work will only makes you more tired then ever and it still feels empty after every shift (Very unhealthy too). Then I still do not have the solution to get myself entertained in a better way but I actually end up more sick then ever.
I listed out a list that I loved to do but did not do it from the point I have the thoughts (that’s way before I was diagnosed), and slowly do it one by one and see which makes me feels better after some time. Yup, hand copying various articles do helps me in thinking positively and it also helps me in getting back my interest of reading. I also started back playing games that needs great concentration (you can try downloading these games: Tsum tsum, Temple run 1 or 2, candy crush etc). Try to start eating some colorful foods in small amount (I once hated eating veges too!) and it helps like a rainbow too. Get yourself moving too, I used to go down to drop myself in City Hall, Raffles Place or Dhoby Ghaut mrt stations and walked either to Singapore River or to Orchard, it will helps you clear your mind and it is okay to go down solo. And it is good to start a new hobby, in my case, writing. I know there is more that I can learn to phrase out my words but yes, I am here.
In fact, I feel myself being a happier person now, I have lesser emotional swings and breakdowns then before after doing all those things. I do remember that there is this one point of time I cried everyday cause that I am not able to control my own emotions. I even got myself done many stupid things like drinking, eating excessively or go out of contact for few days thinking that I will be happier in that way but it does not helps at all. Being in my current state, I know that I have still room to help myself more and is still finding a way that I can be better mentally and physically. Good things are definitely worth your wait, but you have to remember this too, it is worth the wait if you put in efforts to do good, be good. Nothing will drop down from the sky if you didn’t do anything, relatively, it can be said as there are no free lunch in the world without trying.
I know that it is hard to learn a new skill or start something that you stopped for long but it is never too late to start, and it is never too late to know and remember that there will be someone who will loves you for who you are and pulls you out of the deep, never ending hole but you have to learn how to help yourself to get out of the darkness first. And remember this, if no one in your current circle that does not believe in you, Jamix is here for you, I believe in your capability to battle it, I believe you will stand up like me to tell others, I have done this and this, I may not be 100% well but I have overcome least 75% of it and you can do it too. Never underestimate yourself that you are not capable to do what you are good of. Let’s buck up alright! We will show the world we are better then ever!