Feelings for the recent past 

So it has been two months with my grandfather passing and a month since my grandmother admitted to the hospital (she’s out, healthy, so no worries), it makes me thinks a lot more then I supposed. Why? I am “jobless” according to my parents cause I am not able to earn enough money to support with the things I did now. 

I, do not want to work for some other person while not benefiting myself or simply just work for life till I die without getting a name for myself. I wanted to get there but the Introvert me is also interfered, the shy me is currently unable to open in a sense too. 

To make things complicated, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes due to my generic issue recently and it has been bothering me, not from my parents and what, who so ever that is related to me, but that polyclinic that first diagnoses me with it with random death threats every week for not going down to useless check ups that doesn’t benefits me or any of my family members that had the same issue. We all was given the same meds, is it working? Not towards me actually. Traditional Chinese medicines works better for me although it does not have “instant effects” like the polyclinic claims like their meds did. 

I felt cursed actually, with the constant “you will die at thirty years old without our meds” threads. I would not die young, I promise to God I will take good care of my body and eat healthy. I still want to have my own kids, I still wanted to be here, writing and kicking. 

Sometimes when I felt down or just felt that I should not be holding on to my beliefs, I do have this feel of: I do not want to, wish to, have to give a fuck to anything or anyone that makes me feels like shit, but well, what is life when it is not rocky some times.

Well, all I can do is to think positive and move one with life! We will all get through this tough time together! 

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