It has been two years since I last have a date. I was serious, and we almost got engaged. I bring it up, cause I do feel like I was paying more then he does. I often thought that it was due to my personality and such. This, was the first serious relationship I ever had and was hoping that it have a ending. I thought he was the one, I really did. He thought that I loved his lies towards me and my family. End up the bubble busted and it was closed.
I asked myself, what did I did wrong, what wrong step did I step wrongly… I did not know. I asked for advice and the feedback came…
I gave too much freedom, I gave too much trust as I thought I can get the same type of freedom and trust back. I thought it was my unladylikeness, but they say it wasn’t about it cause I am standing out as a special soul that is very different from a standard girl, and if a guy truly likes me, they will accept me as who I am and not lie to me.
I was told that my kindness was being abused, I am willing to forgive again and again, even it was quite unforgivable to most couples, I often gave second chances (even towards those bastard friends that no one likes) hoping that the other party would change. I often hope that a small step of kindness and consideration will help change someone but most of the time it do not affects those whom always complains how cruel the world treats them.
I guess I will throw it to God to decide my fate. I believes that there will be someone out there who will knows how to loves and protect me as who I am without trying to change me or abused my kindness and trust towards them.