Grief.

I was often being added to various whatsapp groups via my one of my two besties I ever had in life. I never knew where she ever find this many groups to join and it was often bitchy. I often make it a fun way to make sarcastic remarks that will be offensive for people that are always begging for rich or often thought the world owes them to. Although I have quit some of it, but I never thought one will affects me in this way.

I never thought it will give me grief, this much guilt in one night despite I am coping with my relapse.

So the night before, we are casual chatting over things and help that we can offer to one of the ladies whom just started battling with a mental chronic illness and out of no where this bitch came and said…

“This is like flu, it will come and go like it should be. Don’t worry too much, don’t overthink and make yourself feel like the Queen and seek attention here for nothing.”

It makes her breakdown harder then I do. And due to that she is living on the other side, my bestie and I almost thought of rushing down to calm her and thankfully there is someone who stayed near her and gave her help that she needs. But she is still being send off to hospital by her mother in the end.

I felt guilty of not able to help. I grief over that I was in the same state yet I am unable to brighten her up and do something for her.

I cried over the phone while talking to my bestie over the phone. I told her how bad i felt over it. She told me how many people can I help? It was nothing I can help with. But then I still feel bad about it.

 

Ugh.

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