It was just a blink of eye that the monster inside me grew too big for me to handle. There was this one time I almost left my house for good, wanting to start a new life aboard and not to live in this place where bad memories kept replaying.
Then, I was unhappy with my job, which happens that I have an very abusive boss that often vent her anger on me. It got my situation worst. I was unhappy with my family situation too, and I wasn’t able to vent it out then, didn’t knew a way to. So I napped my passport, offed my phone, went to take a Medical leave cert faking illness and went for a long bus ride.
I stopped at a place I am familiar with and I am totally in love with: Singapore River thinking this is the last goodbye before I thought I will be leaving for good. I sat there for hours, sobbing and no one passerby stopped and ask what happens to me. Stares and weird looks are given. It feels bad, making me feels extremely down and sickly with those stares. Little do I knew, my family was like ants in the fiery pot, searching up and down for me just to know I am safe and sound. All I thought is that, I wanted to break free from all this scary, overwhelming feelings that I suppressed deep inside. I just want to Break free.
When I reached the town near the checkpoint in between Malaysia and Singapore, I finally switch on my phone thinking no one will even find for me, and I’ll be telling them not to find for me, I’ll be gone for a bit and won’t be back for some time. My negativity is pretty much astray with situation then. I even thought that my parents will never finds me at all. And yes, I made them extremely worried then for being missing for near 8 hours and unable to contact the police to report that I am missing.
To my surprise, there were tons of missed calls and messages asking where I was, had I eaten and is there a possibility to find me yet. The next thing I remembered was that my parents rushed over and hug me tightly telling me not to do this again and told my other family members I was found, finally.
Sometimes when I think back, do I regret not leaving then? Nope I don’t. Least I know my family is healthy and safe beside me. Situation may be different if I do leave then, I may be extremely successful now but I may never see my family again. I do still feel bad for the things I did that day. This is life.